I’m 25 years old and I’ve never had a boyfriend.

I’ve never been in a committed relationship.

I’ve been stood up 8 times

I’ve had a guy lied to me that he wasn’t in a relationship for 6 months that we been going on dates to find out he has a girlfriend that he’s been with for 10 years that he recently bought house together with her and his kids…..ohh and I lost my virginity to him at the age 24.

I’ve had a guy just only asked me out because he lost a bet.

I’ve had a guy that I had a crush on only became friends with me so he can get to know my older sister.

I was Catfished for 5 years…by my best friend… now ex best friend.

So as you can see I pretty much had a fucked up experience on seeing guys that I just give up and don’t even bother trying to put myself out there. I’m scared to even try again I feel like it will all be too good to be true.

That is why.

I havent really been expressing myself the way I should be. I’ve kept so many things bottle up inside and let out the ones that shouldn’t be said to anyone. Where do I begin? I should foremost apologize first. Right? I’m sincerely sorry. I’m sorry for being someone I wasn’t. I’m sorry for making up stories and lies about you. I’m sorry for not defending you. I’m sorry for being a shitty friend. That the thing I regret the most. Messing up a friendship because I was too a shame of being your friend. I’m sorry if you’ll ever forgive but that sad part is that you will forgive me… but I won’t be able to forgive myself. I was really mean and heartless. Things aren’t the same. Not anymore and this is why I leave it here.

I haven’t been on here for 3 years… It honestly feels good to look back at what I wrote in 2011… When my life completely changed. It about time I get back on here and write my heart out. It’s honestly the only way I can express my true self with no judgement.

On my own I spend more time at my grandma house than my own

Why do I wait for something that will never happen. But it’s everything I ever wanted